Miracles

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

- Albert Einstein

Recently we experienced a miracle in our life. 

For the past year, I have been working nights. At first, it wasn't too bad, but as church callings and other things became more demanding, working nights became much more difficult. I felt exhausted and tired. I wasn't as patient and kind toward Jason as I wanted to be. I dreaded going to work--I never wanted to leave Jason in the evenings to work all night. My emotions were constantly on a roller coaster and I felt more irrational than normal. I didn't feel as sensitive to the Spirit as I used to. etc. etc. etc. I had talked with my mom and sister about it numerous times, always debating whether I should look for another job with better hours or stick it out and wait for a day shift to become available on my unit. 

Finally, one day while I was talking to Emily as I walked into work, she said, "Kate, you have two options: you can change your attitude or you can change your circumstance. I really feel like you've given an attitude change a fair shot and you've tried to be optimistic about working nights, so maybe you should think about how to change your circumstance." I was resistant to her words 1) because I knew she was right, and 2) because I didn't want to look for a new job, start over on a different unit or at another hospital all together, and feel like I was betraying my co-workers by leaving. I emailed my manager about possible day shift positions coming in the near future. Her response was vague and not promising. 

Meanwhile, Jason and I started praying that a day position would become available. And that if that wasn't His will, that something else would come up and I would have another opportunity to change my circumstance.

Several months later, in July, I was driving to work. I was tired and frustrated; it was a Sunday evening and I didn't want to leave Jason to go to work. As I drove, tears streamed down my face (as they commonly did on my drive to the hospital--I always dreaded going). Once I composed myself, I called my mom and told her how tired I was of working nights. She gave me a pep talk and helped me see my life more clearly. I needed to change something. 

When I walked into the break room for group report before my shift, one of my co-workers said to me "are you going to apply for the day shift position?" 

What? 

My heart soared. There was a day shift position open! This was my chance! Our prayers had been answered! I immediately texted Jason and my mom and told them the good news. As soon as I got to my computer at the start of my shift, I emailed my manager and told her I wanted the position and to please consider me for it. The position would close that Friday, and I expected that she would let us know that day. Later that week, Jason and I ran away to Rocky Mountain National Park and didn't come back to KC until Saturday. No cell service. No way to check my email. I vowed to myself that I would put it away from my mind during our trip and check my email as soon as we got home. (More on our RMNP trip later). 

Now our prayers shifted and we asked Heavenly Father to allow me to get the day position. We prayed so hard, every prayer asking that I would get it. 

When we got home on Saturday, I checked my email immediately. Nothing. My heart dropped. I continued to check for the next week, but there was no notification. 

Word on the unit spread, though. Over the next few days, I heard that two other people had applied for the position--people who had higher seniority than I did. At this point, my chances of getting the position were basically gone. 

While I was in Oregon the following week, a woman from my ward, who works at another hospital in the area, texted me and told me that there was a day position available in the ICU at that hospital. At first I was hesitant, but after thinking about it more and talking it over with Jason, I decided to apply for the position. I thought this might be that other opportunity that we had originally prayed for, since the likelihood of the day position at KU was dim. 

Though this was promising news, I was still completely conflicted about leaving KU, starting all over on a new unit in a new hospital, losing all of my seniority, losing all of the PTO hours I had accumulated over the past year, leaving the people I worked with, etc. To further complicate things, I found out I was pregnant the night before leaving for Oregon. I would realistically only work at Shawnee Mission for about six months before either switching to part time or PRN once I had my baby. All of these details made the decision extremely complicated. Nevertheless, I applied for the position, and the next day I heard back from the human resources department at Shawnee Mission and they wanted to set up an appointment for an interview. 

The night I came back to Kansas, Jason and I sat down and made a pros and cons list for both KU and Shawnee Mission. With it all laid out on paper, KU still looked like the best option, even though I would still be working nights. I was sad. Conflicted. Confused. 

Then, I received a text message from one of my co-workers--one of the girls who applied for the day position. The message was sent to me and the other girl who applied for the position and said: "check your emails girls... exciting news!!!" I checked my email immediately and there was a message from my manager. She said that she had worked hard on it, but was proposing to move all three of us to days. She would move us based on seniority, so I would move last (at the end of September). I read the message out loud and burst into tears. I couldn't believe that God had literally provided this miracle for us. Only one position was posted, yet three people moved (that. does. not. happen.) Jason and I knelt down and said a prayer of gratitude. I couldn't hold myself together. I was in shock--so amazed that our prayer had been answered. 

This was a miracle. There is no way that I can excuse it as coincidence. I had no chance of getting the day position, yet I got it. God heard and answered my prayer. I know He did. It was a miracle that I needed in my life. After months of spiritual darkness, He gave me light. I want to live my life as though everything is a miracle--as though all good (and hard) things come from God. Maybe I worked nights for this past year so I could witness this miracle. I don't know. But what I do know is that it strengthened my faith. And that God knows me and loves me. And I never, ever want to forget that.